I've thought much about Chapel Hill High School's decision to disband its soccer team. It seemed that it highlighted a lot more than the specific situation. When I first heard of the situation, I applauded the action because, for once, it seemed the administration did not buckle in the face of parent complaint. Too often I've seen our administrators back down from taking a firm or punitive stance because school economics don't provide a line budget item designed to deal with our litigious society.

Then I began to think on a personal level. How would I have felt if my child were involved? If I'd had a child who was guilty of initiating the drinking, I would have wanted a firm consequence. High school may be our last chance to support and teach children that their actions can result in serious reactions. Like most parents, I'm grateful when a child's misconduct doesn't result in a more final and tragic outcome.

I grew more thoughtful when I imagined I had a student who was riding on the bus and did not report on others in accordance with the honor system that's supposed to be in place. It made me question how much meaning an honor system can have in a society where taking a dishonorable path doesn't always have negative consequences and prominent figures must being caught red-handed with unrefutable evidence before admitting a misdeed. Society, celebrities and political figures continually teach our students that belief systems and standards aren't always applied in practice. In this out of control world, people of all ages are reticent to take responsibility for the actions of others. I'd certainly rebel against being held accountable for the dirty deeds of an adult acquaintance.

The demand to turn others in runs contrary to the don't-tattle training we've learned and instilled. Never is this principle so compelling than in middle and high schools where peer pressure is a primary motivator. Add that to the other factors and you've created a complicated values measurement situation that would set most adults struggling. Do I want to be honest or betray my team mates? For a high schooler ranking these on a values' hierarchy, ratting someone out would clearly be a worse choice.

It makes me wonder if we don't need to rethink how we apply our values. What if the honor system had been given a chance to work in a way that hadn't put students between a rock and a hard place. Each child was questioned individually, but these young adults were not given time alone, as a group, to come to their last team decision. What if they had been told that wrongdoers must come forward or the team would be disbanded and they must jointly make that decision? I would have been curious to learn what they decided. I wasn't at all surprised that individually no one wanted to tell on other team mates.

One factor that's of enormous consequence in today's schools is the safety issue. It may not be the first thing a student worries about, but in these days of school violence, parents have to wonder about repercussions that might occur when their children turn against, or betray the confidence of a peer. In some ways I think we've become overprotective, but no parent wants to face dire consequences wishing they had been more careful.

I've heard enough parent reports over the years to fear child-on-child violence. Students seek fun in unmonitored halls by smashing unsuspecting students into a bank of lockers. I know a child who suffered periodic beatings his parents only discovered when they caught glimpses of his bruised chest and found out he'd been trying to fend off attacks from a group of kids by himself. I've heard reports of blood flying in our halls because a fight has gotten out of hand and there's no stopping point.

Children see adults as out of the loop, so they often make one of their best sources for help unavailable to themselves. Current practices teach children that if you really want to be heard, you must amplify the sounds of your discontent. The ultimate intensification is the loud report of a gun.

Maybe time has clouded my memory, but I remember school as being safe. There might have been fights, but they never seemed to cross a certain unstated violence line. Today, anger of our youth runs stronger and unwritten rules of society condone and sometimes even encourage acts of violence. As a parent I have to wonder, if my child were in the situation, would I want honor to come before safety?